Life's Last Moment

 Written by a palliative care worker...

 

 Five Regrets of the Dying

       By Bronnie Ware, Platinum Quality Author

       For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were
those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were
shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their
lives.

       People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality.
I learned never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some
changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as
expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually
acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed
though, every one of them.

       When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they
would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are
the most common five:

       1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not
the life others expected of me.

       This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that
their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see
how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honoured
even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to
choices they had made, or not made.
       It is very important to try and honour at least some of your
dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is
too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer
have it.

       2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

       This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed
their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also
spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of
the female patients had not been breadwinners All of the men I nursed
deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a
work existence.

       By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along
the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do.
And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more
open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
       3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

       Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace
with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and
never became who they were truly capable of becoming Many developed
illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a
result.

       We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although
people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking
honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and
healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship
from your life. Either way, you win.

       4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

       Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old
friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track
them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had
let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep
regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they
deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

       It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships
slip.  But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical
details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs
in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true
importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the
benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary
to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships
in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and
relationships.

       5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

       This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until
the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old
patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed
into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had
them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content.
When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in
their life again.

       When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a
long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile
again, long before you are dying.
       Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose
wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

Gunabalan & Family WISHES ALL OUR READERS "HAPPY DEEPAVALI"

To all our Readers, supporters, followers, and members; 

Let this the 2010 festival of Deepavali burn away all your bad times and  lights the way for your entrance into the good times. May all your worries, fears and troubles fade away within the Joy and Celebration of this Festival of Lights !

The truth is that existence wants your life to become a festival...because when you are unhappy, you also throw unhappiness all around.

So, let's all turn towards the light and  whole heartedly decide Mutual Happiness is a Birth-Right of all man and women on this world.

A Historic & Eventful Day for Melaka

Melaka will today be declared a Developed City by our Chief Minister Ali Rustam at 20.10 hours. The passion of this one man has transformed our fair town into the beautiful city state we see today. For hundreds of years, this former back water town was considered nothing more than a mere page in the history of Malaysia and no one ever bothered to raise her name in the annals of History to match her glory years 647 years ago under the Malacca Sultanate periods. 

She is transformed today.

Inaction is no escape from the complexities of life and  submission to Life means accepting the complexities, contradictions and paradoxes that make up the mottled landscape of living itself. 

No, we cannot run from our fears and anxieties and we cannot gloss them over with counterfeit simple solutions either.

MY emotional contribution to this historic event is  penned  below:

REMEMBER,REMEMBER,my Brethren in Beautiful Melaka,

This land, pursued all through ages by

The Portuguese & Dutch Conquerors,

The British, 'n' the Japanese Righteous Crusaders,

Were all here for a reason?

Once it was the Trade winds, then it was the spice trades,

Later it was because of the Minerals and ore, even communism  

which they said was at odds with our core; today, it's the tourist dollar and it's mores

"Aujourd'hui roi, demain rien”- the saying in french ...
The Kings of today will be but commoners tomorrow

The dust will settle, and dreams will be rendered,

but through it all, the amour towards this place and it's people should not be a sundered

For we the people will continue to live here, learn here and love here.

When all else ends; Melaka will still be here

This land is where my soul resides; this earth where my body and bones crumbles and dies

This is my home; My people; My Family.

Quotable Quotes

A  friend of mine opened his wife's underwear drawer and picked up  a silk paper wrapped package:

'This, - he said - isn't any ordinary package.'
He unwrapped the box and stared at both the silk paper and the box.

'She got this the first time we went to New York ,
8 or 9 years ago.She has never put it on , 
was saving it for a special occasion.

Well, I guess this is it.

He got near the bed and placed the gift box next to the other clothing he was taking to the funeral house, his wife had just died. He turned to me and said:

'Never save something for a special occasion.
Every day in your life is a special occasion'.

I still think those words changed my life.
Now I read more and clean less.
I sit on the porch without worrying about anything.
I spend more time with my family, and less at work.

I understood that life should be a source of experience to be lived up to, not survived through.

I no longer keep anything.
I use crystal glasses every day...

I'll wear new clothes to go to the supermarket, if I feel like it.
I don't save my special perfume for special occasions, I use it

whenever I want to.

The words 'Someday....' and ' One Day...' are fading away

from my dictionary.
If it's worth seeing, listening or doing, I want to see, listen

 or do it now....

I don't know what my friend's wife would have done if she

 knew she wouldn't be there the next morning, this nobody

can tell.

I think she might have called her relatives and closest friends.
She might call old friends to make peace over past quarrels.

I'd like to think she would go out for Chinese, her favorite food.

It's these small things that I would regret not doing, if I knew my time  had come..

Each day, each hour, each minute, is special.

Live for today, for tomorrow is promised to no-one..

If you are reading this, remember that someone cares for you and because, probably, there's someone you care about.

'One of these days' , remember that 'One day' is far away...

 or might never come......

I's a bright sunny afternoon today with the temperature running a good 34

degrees Celsius. 

Feeling very lethargic lately,waking up to sense of listlessness and overall dredgy well being.

 So it comes at no surprise that most mornings are spent going back to bed to rest and recuperate before starting the day.

 I think it's a lack of blood in the system as I've been losing liters of fresh blood recently through the hemorrhoids.It's not something new as I've had this problem for almost 20 years, a legacy of the days when chasing datelines and trying to please the Boss meant worrying about his business to the detriment of yours, but recently it has exacerbated. I've been told the body takes two weeks to reproduce any blood it loses; so it looks like this feeling of listlessness and light headed ness is set to continue for a while. Good news is, when i force myself it causes me to sweat like a pig and this causes me to lose my water content .... and overall body weight. So far,it's down a kilo and a half ! 

Moving on to other news,

I was asked the other day why I commit to indulge my personal time and money to associate with NGO's and other associations without any benefit, and i found the question perplexing. 

The person asking was proud of the fact that he managed to secure loans, friends in high places and money worth many millions during his time associating with these groups,- although his was more of a business group/foundation and my associations were in civil  societies. 

I suppose one does what one does because it gives him pleasure primarily. Pleasure in the knowledge that he is able to make a difference. These are belief systems that you either have  or you do not have,lah. The other explanation would have to be "because I can".

The beliefs of a man who sanctions the ideals of a liberal upbringing , but with respect towards the administration of  civility; justice for all, rule of law etc, for i believe these are the ideals that  has kept the strong foundation for our civil society. 


The virtue that allows action through sacrifice and ability without demanding personal reimbursement other than the knowledge that someone is being assisted,helped and acknowledged. 


I've said it before, virtues in character provides wisdom in deed and practical wisdom or the practice of said virtues leads to wisdom......about men, women and life situations.

These ideals kept me aground in my daily privileged under takings and in people's impression of me, according to their levels of understanding. We need not necessarily agree with each other but we have learnt to prosper together cemented by these ideas.  

(Of course it is a given that the group that will successfully prevail  economically  and politically are those who shared a common interest and are willing to subvert personal feelings and interests in favor of the  current leaderships idea of governance).

Somehow Gunabalan doesn't fit into that scheme of things.  I am too highly independent minded, an individual finding himself in a setting, where he finds he can't have his ways all the time, so the best way to temper the dis resolute within oneself would be to learn to accommodate.


 I am learning still.

It takes all kind of people to be in  this world as with other situations of group or herd mentality. Normally in such  situations, it's the art of living with and making compromises that count more than the weight of personal ideals.

 I find myself as a man full of personal ideals that i care not to change for the  wispy convenience of others.  It's my  life and mine to live it only once, with God as my guide and savior. 

(Hopefully God loves mavericks and gadflies!)

Anyways, on to more interesting news! Michelle and I have secured a temporary lease on a cafe known as the Honky Tonk Cafe (HTC) in Lorong Hang Jebat near Jonkers Street in Melaka, a couple of days ago. It's right at the street level besides AnnaMalai Specialist Clinic.

So, these past few days have seen me completely changing my schedule and life style to learn the ways and worth of running this business with personal investments of Time and Money. It 's not easily adaptable initially as I find it difficult to change my  set routines but it is something which I must do.

The Facilities in this cafe are:

HONKY TONK CAFE

Located at: Lorong Hang Jebat,

                      Melaka Town Centre  

                     (Near Jonker Street)

Contact Tel: 012 6050446

• Bar and Melaka RiverSide board walk
• 12 tables (17 - 18 inside and 10 – 12 outside on riverside walkway)
• 1 Meeting room (for 12 pax, air conditioned)
• Stage, microphone and 2 speakers.
• Live TV broadcasts of sports events.
• Wi-fi coverage.
• Website and Blogsite.

Services :

• Business hours. 6:30 pm – 12:30 am. Open everyday.
• WI-FI hotspot. Free access for minimum consumption expenditure of RM 10 (equivalent to 1 beer + 1 snack or soft drink).
• Drinks (beer, Honky Tonk special, fruit juices / soft drinks, tea, coffee)
• Catering for dinner parties of min. 10 pax. (RM 35 / pax for meal package, Honky Tonk special drink, mineral water).
• Sing-along sessions (on request). Dennis (in-house pianist) specializes in sing-along songs of the 40s, 50s, 60s and 70s and some new songs !! (RM 50 / hour ; min. 1 1/2 hours.). Also does Latin and old time Malay (eg. P. Ramlee, Jimmy Boyle) and Indonesian songs. (Please book minimum 5 days in advance.)
• Jamming sessions (FOC - just come with your instrument and pick up). Note that we only have one microphone, and capacity to plug in only one lead into speaker system. Please give advance notice if you require Dennis to sit in. 
• Meetings (RM 150 / 2 – 2.5 hours, Max. 12 pax.)

Photo's Here: http://honkytonk.weebly.com/photos.html

WORDS OF WISDOM

Philosophy of our Times

How True!   Philosophy of the Times 沒錢的時候，養豬； 有錢的時候，養狗。 When without money, keep pigs; When have money, keep dogs. 沒錢的時候，在家裡吃野菜； 有錢的時候，在酒店吃野菜。 When without money, eat wild vege at home ; When have money, eat same wild vege in fine restaurant. 沒錢的時候，在馬路上騎自行車； 有錢的時候，在客廳裡騎自行車。 When without money, ride bicycle; When have money, ride exercise machine! . 沒錢的時候,想結婚； 有錢的時候,想離婚。 When without money, wish to get married; When have money, wish to get divorced. 沒錢的時候,老婆兼秘書； 有錢的時候,秘書兼老婆。 When without money, wife becomes secretary; When have money, secretary becomes wife. 沒錢的時候,假裝有錢； 有錢的時候,假裝沒錢。 When without money, act like rich man; When with money, act like poor man. 人 啊，都不講實話： Man, O Man,! Human never, ever tells the truth and the examples: 說股票是毒品，都在玩； 說金錢是罪惡，都在撈； man says share market is bad but keeps speculating; Says money is evil but keeps accumulating. 說美女是禍水，都想要； 說高處不勝寒，都在爬； man says women are trouble-makers but keeps desiring them; Says high positions are lonely but keeps wanting them. 說煙酒傷身體，就不戒； 說天堂最美好，都不去!!! Says smoking & drinking is bad but keeps partaking; Says heaven is good but refused to go. 過去把第一次留給丈夫； 現在把第一胎留給丈夫。 In the past, woman gives man their virginity; Now, woman gives man their newborn baby 鄉下早晨雞叫人， 城裡晚上人叫雞； In the rural area, chicken calls man awake; In the cities, man calls for chickens. 舊社會戲子賣藝不賣身， 新社會演員賣身不賣藝。 In the past, famous actresses will not sell their bodies; Now, actresses will sell their bodies to become famous ************************************* 人生是什麼? What is life about? 1 歲時出場亮相 At age one, YOU are the top priority 10 歲時功課至上 At age ten, academic excellence is the top priority 20 歲時春心盪漾 At age twenty, getting laid is the top priority 30 歲時職場對抗 At age thirty, a good career is top priority 40 歲時身材發胖 At age forty, keeping your body in shape is top priority 50 歲時打打麻將 At age fifty, beating others at mah-jong is top priority 60 歲時老當益壯 At age sixty, keeping IT up is top priority 70 歲 時 常常 健忘 At age seventy, remembering something is top priority 80 歲時搖搖晃晃 At age eighty! , moving around is top priority 90 歲時迷失方向 At age ninety, knowing directions is top priority 100 歲時掛在牆上 At age 100, having your portrait on the wall is top priority! 祝大家愉快，好好做人! Wishing you all happiness! Be good!