A mid morning monday musing...

[07/07, 11:30] Guna balan: On another topic, recently (maybe past 12 or so years intermittently) i've been suddenly given access to certain memories and recollections that previous i had forgotten.. folded by the many layers of experiences, travails and joys one encounters as they go along this life. This snippets of past memories do allow for analysis and reflection and it used to be sudden...brought on by either a smell, a word or visual in passing, a touch even.

I had learnt to revel and enjoy those flashbacks...but last night something clicked when i went to sleep again at 5.15 am (after a continuos 7 hr sleep which was restfull)

I remembered something when i awoke at 7am ( again) a tiny but crucial decision which i chose to do at that young age (maybe egoistically at that time but still without regret even today)..with my life's path, though truth be told it was not such a grand plan but more of current desire of that era and time.

This decision suddenly appeared to be a crucial moment whereby everything else in my life unfolded exactly as planned ....without me realising its critical passage...until last night...at age 58! 

I chose (why that particular choice, at that age, i still cannot discern) not to worry nor regret any life choices i made in this life and to simply be gratefull for the experience of life lived..  Of life knowing..nay guaranted all will be well in my older phase of life.

As it actually is.

[07/07, 11:54] Guna balan: Question i have in my mind at this hour of the monday morning though, is while i can be smug today with my previous decisions...the what if's somewhat bugs me too.

What if..instead of straight entering the working world & helping family financially; i had choosed like vincent or kumar and many others to pursue on with higher studies and did my dissertations on my chosen fields of intellect ? What would that life been like, i wonder...and then it hit me...that was never my plan nor my desire.

I'd accomplished all my desires, proven everything i wanted to prove by age 40 and retired by 43...via mea, electo mea as they say in pig latin.

So why was my brain giving me these thoughts and amplified dreams at this du jour of my life?

[07/07, 11:55] Guna balan: Regrets elicit Karma. Definitely not something i want ...