Laugh out loud !

Women the Unanswered Question !

A man on his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said, 'because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.' The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to  Hawaii  so I can ride over anytime I want.' God replied, 'Your request is materialistic; think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take!  I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things.  Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.' The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'God, I wish that I , and all men,  could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy.                                                                    God replied: "You want two lanes or four on that bridge” =================================================================== Banned from the co-op!  Yesterday I was at my local Co-operative buying a large bag of Purina dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.    What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again.   I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but that I'd lost 2 stones before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.  (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)  Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.   I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit us both. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. For causing public nuisance,I'm now banned from the Co-op. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say. Hope this helps you laugh for the day.