The Ultimatum

"Someone once said to me that the moment we believe and practice the very 
things we pretend to be or want others to believe we are, then we actualize within ourselves  the transformation to being what we preach to others we can be."

Those are the words I wrote sometime back.

It appears fitting to me on this particular instance as over the weekend my erstwhile wife and I had our almost never ending conversations (or so it seems these past 4 months) over the matter of her hearts indulgence in entertaining thoughts of care and love for Andrew.


Ultimately I've told her to choose who / where she intends to spend her future with.


Although I love her very much and deeply, I am not able to see a future for her and me should she insist on keeping the sacred place in her heart open to another man.


I've been open enough to explain that I fear and worry for my own security,comfort and responsibilities so much so that I feel the need to secure a companion who can support and give me that feeling of love and security when I'm older and if she cannot guarantee that to be herself, then it is only fair that I start paying attention to those who still express an interest in me and my welfare.


At first she remained quiet and I took it to mean she was considering her options but when I let slip that as of late several young new "friends" have been happy to entertain and give me their companionship she was unhappy.


Yes.Lately there have been a few individuals whom I've permitted to get close to me and well.... it's still too early to talk about love and commitment with them but at least I'm not alone any more.


The past 4 months of worry and fear is something I'll like to leave behind and not remember any more.


Michelle showed remorse & cried when she informed me that I've to allow her some time more to prove her love and care for me by slowly letting go of the thoughts and dreams of this other man as she understands her betrayal to me started the hour she allowed herself to use the opportunity to stray emotionally from our marriage and my trust.


She told me adamantly that she will continue to be my wife and mother to our kids without running away to Andrew every time she feels down and bored or lonely.


But I need to trust her again by allowing her some time to forget Andrew.


I've told her to take all the time she needs but I will definitely use that same time to secure another relationship just in case.

We argued about that and went to bed mad with each other but in the morning I could not stay mad at her anymore and said sorry to her,but she also apologized for making me angry and promised that she will remain with me as I wanted and not Andrew .


She is aware of the predicament we are in............ and how it can affect her future.
She has decided to remain as my wife but the faithful wife part she still needs time to sort out.
Since I cannot imagine a life without her; I told her that as long as we honor and trust each other, we will be together.

PS :

I sometimes wonder in my melancholic moods as to why we even bother with women of such sorts.

Indeed they are entitled to their own personal pleasure and body, so why am i so frustrated and angry?

Love is one issue. Desire another.

But does Love mean ownership of another?

and Desire indebtedness ?

I seriously need to re-look my policy of Berani Buat Berani Tanggung.

Maybe, to be a real man and continue to be happy in this world...I will need to care less and worry about family prestige lesser whilst concentrating more on my personal needs as she obviously is celebrating the launch of her fine own jollyboat of independence and desires. God bless her womanly regions and all who sail in them, then.

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