2012 IN RETROSPECT

It's quite a sunny & bright day outside, a good reprieve from the almost daily deluge of rain we have been receiving these past few december weeks. The birds,bees and bugs are all out in force on this fine day chirping away and frolicking with happy abandon the enjoyment a bright sunny day can bring to a happy soul.

End of the year time periods are best described as the most hectic entertaining period for most adults as this is the time when the media and F&B outlets all go crazy trying to reach out to every muthusamy, ah feng & bakar with all sorts of crazy promotions and sales gimmicks for the very last cent they can get from them. 

To some this is the best time to shop, eat, drink, & party, people! To others it is that time of the year to mentally and financially prepare for the next 12 months of excitement,frustrations and expectations. This also is the best time to re-assess our past year in perspective and look forward to the coming months with zeal and vigor.

In my life these past few months, Love had a way of creeping up on me and shaking me  squarely and deeply out of my comfortable core and cave that I've grown accustomed to and hid away in; almost forgetting the outside world and even personal relations to my own detriment.

Between Michelle and me, as a couple whose been through many of life’s good moments together; sometimes familiarity, comfort and safety had begun to breed contempt and disdain and what once made us fall for in that person in the first place starts to take an ugly and unexpected turn.

Somehow, everything he or she does seems to poke at you like a thorn once you feel something is not right in your relationship, as you no longer see the good in them and you’re beginning to hate their plans and choices in life.

At times,it feels sad, frustrating and exhausting just to be in the same room together because you’re always either quarreling or purposely being quite to avoid quarreling.

And so begins the downward spiral.

The effect of such feelings is that it takes on the form of a parasite; it eats away whatever love you might have had once and turns everything into a big “what if”.

That’s when the relationship feels severely inadequate. And we forget all the good that have come out from this person we once wanted to share our life with.

Our relationships with our other half are meant to be enriching. When we fall in love, we do it hoping it will be forever. But in the process of forever, we tend to lose sight of what’s important, be complacent and maybe even take things for granted. This has been my mistake these past few months.

Well, you could say that at some point, an internal conflict brings to light something we didn’t even realize we were doing. We start to second guess everything. It almost feels like we are afraid this might not be our happy ending anymore. 

Nothing is good enough because we have turned ourselves into this crazy creature that is always seeing the negative and wanting more bad news or just wanting to prove our worst fears come true.

Relationships are finite, I realize, and all it takes to keep it alive is the desire to keep the flames of Love burning. More time, more effort, more affection is all that is needed – but I also realize one can only give so much before giving up altogether. As they say, a single hand cannot create a clap.

I've come to realize the more you try to mould the relationship into something it is not meant to be, the more you’ll see it crumble before you. 

But then, the more you compromise yourself in the relationship, the more unhappy you will become. So, a compromise has to be made for both parties to be happy….. as best can be.

I've promised myself not to let the negativity and futility of keeping my wife faithful emotionally to me become a thorn in preserving our love life. I will learn instead to be thankful for the together time we have now and the memories we’re creating together.

That is the kind of hopes and dreams I am building my faith upon for the coming New Year.